Thursday 11^th August, 2011

Late for work again. Greenpeas, my own patch of hell and place of work, is a small portioned, overpriced “Yaw” talking snob fest in the heart of Dublin. I recommend it to those of meagre appetite and ample means. A place to see and to be seen. Unless you're the staff, or as the customers affectionately call us “the help”. Having worked there for over two years, I have come to think of my fellow staff members as family, which is to say, I see them only when I have to, and pretend to like them when I do. The only exception is the head chef Bert. At fifty six, he has a shock of dark brown hair only recently greying at the temples, and large pale blue eyes. His sombre countenance often belies his true nature, and the subtle but permanent arch in his eyebrow is his only tell. He is an evil genius.

Despite being more than ten minutes late, I stopped for coffee. Brambles and Vines, bragging “the best cup of coffee this side of The Liffey” has recently opened on my doorstep, although considering they reside on the North side I'm not sure how much of a boast this is. In true Irish fashion, the service was leisurely, and though their lips moved at breakneck speed, all other movements were imperceptible. I stood in line for twenty minutes for coffee, black coffee. Possible racist establishment? I'll ask for white next time.

I took the 130 bus to work and was forced to stand for the entire journey as some git with a dog and a cane got on before me and took the last two seats. I made a not so subtle attempt at luring the dog away with the remains of my breakfast. The owner was understandably oblivious, the mutt was having none of it, and the other passengers didn't look too impressed either. No sense of humour.

It didn't get much funnier as the day went on, as I arrived at work thirty five minutes late. Nor did the mood improve an hour later when I sent the new guy (Dave) to the shops for “a long wait” and he was gone for two hours during lunch service. The final nail in the coffin came just before dinner service, when Newbie was sent to get 12lb's of mince. Though his return was prompt, his stupidity is now unquestionable. I sensed he did not fully understand the purpose of the restaurant as he arrived back carrying 12lb’s of Mints. Dave is no longer allowed to leave the restaurant during work hours. Very disappointing! Bert had planned an elbow grease expedition for him for tomorrow. We've decided to come up some with indoor games for him instead. Let it not be said that Bert and I are quitters. We will teach Newbie the ways of the kitchen, even if it kills him. I mean us, even if it kills us.